It Was Never Them But YOU!

Dear Friends,

The video you have just watched says it all.

Why is is never ourselves but it is always "the others"? Today is a reflection Sunday. Following my previous post, I started to ponder on individual habits on why certain people are the way they are.

When shit hits the ceiling, it will always be "the others' " fault. Not vividly, I can still remember all the quaint of her. When the budget is not met, it will always be, "It is the sales people, they are not doing enough". When group arrivals are not produced despite all the overseas travelling, it will always be, "Our overseas sales agents are sleeping". Mind you, if those are genuine reasons, then what are you doing about it? You are the Shepherd of the flock, for crying out loud! Another one I 'like', is how our Creator is always brought into the discussions; "GOD will guide me and help me from hereon, whatever I do is done for His glory"..."I always do them for the company and not for me"..."I have always worked from the heart and not the head". Wow, if these are anything to live by, then I proclaim you the working SAINT. The next 'National Workers Day' event on May 1, an award of excellence must be bestowed upon you.

People who behave like this have only themselves to blame. It could be due to their upbringing, experiences in life - bitter or sweet which have moulded them to their being. They like to be portrayed as experienced, perfect, over glorified and indispensable. The truth is they are living in a pretentious shell, constantly hiding behind a wall of shame - camouflaged in the name of 'perfectionism'. Their negative consequences of perfectionism could be seen in these signs:

Low Self Esteem - Because they never feel good enough about their own personal performances.

Pessimism - Since they are convinced that it will be extremely difficult to achieve an ideal goal, they can easily become discouraged.

Rigidity - Needing to have everything in their life perfect can lead them to an extreme case of being inflexible, non-spontaneous and rigid.

Obsessiveness - Being in need of an excessive amount of order, pattern or structure in life can lead them to become finicky or obsessive in an effort to maintain a certain order.

Lack of motivation - Believing that the goal of change will never be able to be ideally or perfectly achieved can often give them a lack of motivation to attempt change in the first place, or to persevere if change has already begun.

Lack of belief in self - Knowing that one will never be able to achieve an idyllic goal can lead them to lose the belief that they will ever be able to improve their life significantly.

Sounds like someone we know already? How do we help them? We can only encourage them to be open to the idea that they will be successful in their efforts to change, even if they are not "first," "the best," "the model," "the star pupil," "the exemplar" or "the finest". An example would be, "Why feel inferior if the house you are staying in is not as posh as your colleague's?" They must learn to love themselves and to believe that they deserve good things.

The truth about personal change could be summed up by these mighty words of wisdom.

Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother's eye - THE BIBLE - Matthew 7:5

To conquer others need strength; To conquer oneself is harder - TAO TE CHING, Chapter 33

Conquer your own mind and you conquer the world - GURU NANAK (SGGS, page 6)

Verily never will GOD change the fate of a people until they change it themselves. QURAN 13:11

Though one should conquer a million men in battlefield, yet he, indeed, is the noblest victor who has conquered himself - THE BUDDHA (Dhammapada 103)

All our actions come from within. The external forces may have an effect on our thinking and feelings. But, the willingness to respond comes from ourselves.

It was never 'Them' but YOU!