Saturday, November 28, 2009

Don't Be So Emo-Lah!

Dear Friends,

I have just returned from dinner at the newly opened, Happy Days Diner located in USJ, Taipan. The entrance at the restaurant is impressive with a RM 70K classic car hanging in mid-air giving it an aura of the old Fonzie days. Food served here is typically American with sections of entrees, pastas, burgers etc. Portioning of food is NOT fantastic as price clearly does not commensurate value. Chips as an accompaniment is plentiful, to enhance the space of the over sized serving plates. The service was kind of IRRITATING as the staff was eagerly trying hard to impress. Every twenty seconds or so, I was constantly being harassed with, "Sir, can I take your orders?" I was not even given a chance to look at the offerings and had to practically tell them, to LEAVE ME ALONE to call them when I was ready.

When I was working part time, to support my expenses as a student abroad, I was taught to always check with my customers, to ensure that their dining experience was PLEASANT. I have always had a passion with food and beverage hospitality. I never dreamt that I was going to be a doctor like how every parent would envision their children to be when they grew up. While abroad, I have tried my hands grilling burger patties, waiting on tables in Oriental restaurants and also as a petrol pump attendant. Unlike here in Malaysia, TIPPING is almost mandatory in restaurants where I was studying overseas. Those days, I had to constantly go, "I hope everything is pleasant, please call me if I can do anything better"; that is said to the diners every fifteen minutes or so, by me deliberately 'walking pass' their tables. The reason is; I am inadvertently reminding them to leave me a tip. During their dining experience, if they did not call me at anytime means that all has been well. If all is well, LEAVE ME A TIP. Tips accumulated in a four day work week is able to feed me my meals and also pay my bus fares to college and around town. I always ensured tip-topped service.

When tipping is 'mandatory', it certainly does not mean a right to bad service? How about services that do not require tipping? My twitter account was 'spammed' by twits of Nuffnang's Timothy Tiah yesterday. He purchased a ticket on Firefly for Penang to depart at 11.40am. In today's Star, Firefly apologised 'nationwide' for their delay yesterday attributing it to one of their aircraft's being temporarily out of service. And because of that, it caused a domino effect on all scheduled flights, resulting in multiple delays. The flight to Penang finally departed at 7.40pm. After eight hours, for crying out loud! If Timothy had driven, he would have arrived Penang, made a turn-around and could also be back in Kuala Lumpur in that time. Operating a BUDGET airline like Firefly, does that mean a right to 'COMPROMISED' service because as the maxim goes, 'You pay peanuts, you get monkeys'?

Gone are those days when you would see individuals saying grace before their meals. I still do till today. I still thank 'My Father' for providing food on the table for me and asking for HIS blessings for the nourishment of my body. But these days, there is another NEW 'religion' that has emerged. A 'religion' where they actually SWEEP their cameras out and start snapping pictures of their food before partaking them. This 'religion' is called the 'VIRAL EFFECTS' of the social media. I seriously took pity on Firefly yesterday. The worst thing that can happen to any bad service providers these days, is when a dissatisfied customer takes a mobile phone and 'social media out' the news fast about their experience. Once that is out, service providers have no choice but to learn their lessons hard. It takes a long while to rebuild a customer's EMOTIONAL BONDING all over again. With Timothy's, #fu*kfirefly on Twitter yesterday, I could only think that Firefly has further reinforced the branding of Air Asia.

'DON'T PLAY-PLAY' with the power of the Social Media. And to the 'TEH TARIK GROUP'; please get real and understand, in order to be effective and competitive globally, we must be able to stand tall and accept all sorts of criticisms, be they good or bad. Our infamous, NAMEWEE is at it again. The previous time, I could not agree with his 'Negarakuku' controversy as I am a proud Malaysian. However this time, I am in full agreement with his latest CURSINGS on TNB. Why should we be sympathetic with bad service providers? This is a REAL world. Consumers expects nothing less than the best for what we pay for. So, Mr. Exco Member, 'Rise Yet Steam', don't overreact by saying that the 'Teh Tarik Group' would examine NameWee's doing of poking fun at TNB. 'PUNISHING' him would not change things when it came to TNB's bad services.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Forever Grateful

Dear Friends,

A little out of the paradigm today. I am feeling poetic out of gratefulness.

"Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be for you to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something.
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations.
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge.
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.
For they will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you are tired and weary.
Because it means you have made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative to a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles.
And they become your blessings".

I am blessed with both Eugene and Charmaine.

Pictured when they were younger

I am thankful for Eugene
Who is on the sofa being a couch potato
Because he is home with me
And not at the Mall

I am thankful for Charmaine
Who is complaining about practising the piano
Because it means she is at home
And not on the streets

I am thankful for the mess to clean
After Charmaine's farewell party last week
Because it means she has friends

I am thankful for Eugene's shadow
That watches him play
Because it means he is out healthy physically
In the sunshine with his basketball


I am thankful for Charmaine's SIX As and ONE B

In today's UPSR results

Because it means


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Want Me to ONE You

Dear Friends,

Have you ever wondered what the number ONE truly signifies? Did you know that if you multiply any number with the number one, it is itself? Being number one simply means being the BEST. Consider our local surroundings, wouldn't it sound funny if the renowned mall was named Two Utama instead of One Utama or the other, Jaya Three instead of Jaya One. Near where I work, the popular One Academy is indeed a famous Communication Design institution.

I had a 'wicked' neighbour while growing up. How she would boast to my mum how her daughter was always number ONE in class. Pressurising you know? Our neighbours across our southern border has always inculcated amongst their citizens, that a city state as small as theirs; to stay SIGNIFICANT, they have to always be number One and the best. Thus rising the spirit of 'Kiasu-ism'. Must always win, losing was not an option. Supremacy, it is.

Reading the Star this morning, I was amused how we Malaysians, aka 'advertisers' in this instance, are using the 'ONE MALAYSIA' term much to their advantage. So much so, it is beginning to sound vulgar. Today is World Diabetes Day. Can you explain what 'One Malaysia Brings Diabetes to Light Campaign' means in terms of ONENESS? Other crossings I came about the past week were, 'My One Malaysia Expo', 'One Malaysia Book Fair', 'One Malaysia Formula One Team', 'One Malaysia Holidays'? Suddenly, we Malaysians are all so 'fired' up with the number ONE?
I respect my Prime Minister's vision on 'ONE MALAYSIA'. He stressed that this vision will embark on EQUALITY, HARMONY and PROSPERITY for our nation. Finally, a true vision for all Malaysians. This means my beloved PM will represent all Malaysians and not just a particular; this means that he believes in meritocracy and he will also not be bias; this means that he will have every Malaysian blend together in one melting pot instead of being factioned. He will also ensure that the nation's wealth be sustained for all. My Prime Minister's vision cannot be realised by him alone. It must be a vision PRACTICED by all.
I dislike being a pessimist. As much as I am giving 'One Malaysia' a true chance, I don't think it will work 'ONE' hundred percent. HOW-LAH to succeed when there are morons who do not even try practising it. My PM said that One Malaysia is for all. If that is the case, then WHY a learned institution such as this is challenging what my PM is tirelessly preaching. You think what? Living and governing your own mini territorial kingdom ka?

Today, a major GLC placed an advertisement in the Star. Publishing names of their so called educational loan defaulters. I am not condoning to "borrow my money, study - graduate and now don't want to pay me back". What was puzzling; out of all the 122 names published, only 10% reflected not the 'majority' that loans were given to, this is SO NOT One Malaysia.

My true One Malaysia idol is the late Yasmin Ahmad. If you watch all her work, you will understand that she truly understood the 'ONE' concept much earlier than anybody else. As for me, I want a One Malaysia that will OVERCOME racism and all prejudices. "So funny right?", when overseas and being asked, I always say I am Malaysian; but when I am here back home, I am always known to be a Chinese; I am still trying to comprehend that. Let us as ONE realise the real meaning of ONE MALAYSIA. I am hoping that we will take many steps forward and not ONE step forward and two steps backwards. You play your role and I will play mine. IT IS REALLY FOR YOU TO WANT ME TO ONE YOU.

I think it was mentioned that EQUALITY was a One Malaysia trait? Means all are equal right? Means LAWS are applicable and justified for all?

Aiyoh, then this One, HOW -LAH?

Uncle Dee Pee Am, you TAK PAKAI topi keledar. So how, KENA SAMAN ka?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Fat Lard

Dear Friends,

Writer's block this week. Since my last post, I couldn't find a topic to blog on. For those who follow me on Twitter, ,you would know that I spent my Sunday today at the gym. My twits were mainly on my 'step by step' workouts and what I accomplished. I frequent the gym at least three times weekly. When there, besides the 'eye cleansing', I spend time on cardiovascular exercises and also train on weights. Exercising to me now is LIFESTYLE.

I love cycling as an exercise. A particular group exercise class that I do at least three times a week is 'SPINNING'. At today's class, a 'regular' fella that I recognise who weighs at least 250lbs was exhibiting his Casanova charms on the ladies in class. He was telling Amy, the instructor that he was expecting her to not 'bore' him with slow paced numbers but to 'excite' him with heavy pumping beats. I am enclosing a Spinning video here for you to understand what is Spinning.

To cut a long story short, our 'Fat Man' could not even last through half the class and was panting away. It was 90 minutes of vigorous cycling up and down different terrains. I could see his 'multiple orgasms' despite needing to hold on as not to injure his MACHOISM. Not wanting to die on the ladies literally, 'Fat Man' relented and walked out. Without the initial ego, we would have understood.

It is terrible being fat. Where I gym, for crying out loud, I have seen FAT LADIES with the most minimum amount of clothes on. Don't they realise that by dressing like that, they symbolise an exercise ball that is ready to be sat on? I try to mind my own business; but in the male locker room, a really GROTESQUE sight, is to have a 'Fat Man' stand beside me in only his big parachute brief with no shirt on. Worst still, he actually looked like he had breasts. While smiling at me with heavy breathing, I wish somebody would tell him that it is not the exercises that is wearing him out but the inches of LARD around his waist that is making him overheat.
Please don't get me wrong. I have NOTHING AGAINST fat people. I was once fat myself. I loved my beers and pizzas. I had a beer gut and a face of an 8" Domino's Hawaiian Delight. Honestly, in a world like this, who would like a fat and overweight person? At a job interview down to the hedge, both with similar qualifications and experience, who will get the job; the fat or the thin? Fat people are normally POKED and made fun at. Heard of this one? A rather fat and overweight lady was boarding a flight and gave the flight steward two boarding passes. "Where is your companion?" asked the steward. She said in a blush, "Well, you see, one seat is too small and uncomfortable for me, so I decided to get two. But, they are both really for me". The flight steward replied, "Fine with me Ma'am, there is just a slight problem. You see, your seats are numbers 32 and 43".

I work out because at 'mid - life' I need to be HEALTHY. Consistent exercising and the releasing of endorphins would ENERGISE me, make me LESS stressed and LIVE life better. If ever I am fat again, I would probably:
* Scare children when they see me as some big ugly OGRE from Shrek.
* Take too much space in pictures even with wide angled lens.
* Be liked by only fat people and detested by the rest.
* Breathe with a loud Darth Vader echoing sound in the background.
* Smell terrible like some Hokkien Mee lard.
* Confining to only the missionary position when making love.
Worst still, she has to be on top all the time to avoid me crushing her.

I don't want to be fat ever again. I don't want a piece of lard wrapped around so big that I can't see 'HIM' while I am taking a PEE. If temptation is great when supper, chocolates, sweet Coke comes a calling, say this prayer:

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot,
Incited by my wicked diet,
We are what we eat, said a wise old man,
And Lord, if that is true, I am a garbage can,
I want to rise on Judgement Day, that's plain,
But at my present weight, I'll need a crane.


Sunday, November 1, 2009

Hot Male

Dear Friends,

The last time I was in London was many years back. I remember it vaguely. What comes to mind is the freezing cold weather in NOVEMBER staying in an area called Putney. Taking a black cab to Shaftesbury Avenue where Chinatown begins was expensive. I remember strolling down Oxford Street shopping and renting a tuxedo for a dinner in Kensington. Piccadilly Circus rings a bell but I can't remember what I did there.I enjoyed watching Sunset Boulevard, Starlight Express and Cats the Musical. That was the LONGEST time ago. Yesterday also marked the 1000 days before the 2012 London Olympics begin.
Yesterday morning, I was woken up from bed with a phone call. It was my sister in law. Grace spoke to me and asked if I was in town. In anticipation, she said that there was news that I have been 'KIDNAPPED'. She said her brother received an e-mail a few hours ago which was forwarded to her. The e-mail read:

To: klz**
Date: Oct 31, 2009 at 12.57am
Subject: Hello
Hello. How you doing? Hope all is well with you. I'm sorry that I didn't inform you of my travelling to England for a conference. I need a favour from you as soon as you receive this
e-mail because I misplaced my wallet while on the way to my hotel where my money and other valuable things are kept. I will like you to assist me with a loan urgently. I will be needing the sum of $2500 to sort out my hotel bills and to get myself back home. I will appreciate whatever sum you can help me with. I'll pay you back as soon as I return. Kindly let me know if you can be of help? So that I can send you the details to use when sending the money through Western Union money transfer. Your help would be greatly appreciated.


I sprung out of bed in disbelief and turned on my laptop immediately. I tried logging onto my MSN but it wouldn't. My Blackberry messenger had a 'chat' appear from another concerned Ken, "Wil, are you in town?" I just realised that my e-mail account had been HACKED and that 'Bus-Third' had send all my contacts this note hoping to strike richness.

You stupid good for nothing retarded 'Ask-Whole', first of all; I do not write e-mails like that. I choose to think that I have better writing skills. Secondly, do your homework. If I was stranded in England, I have a neurosurgeon uncle living in London and another anaesthetist uncle in Birmingham. Thirdly, the English currency is the POUND STERLING. Why the heck should I be asking for American dollars and later having to convert, if I really was in dire-straits. Fourthly, with technology these days, I would have used my mobile to call home and asked for help and ignore the inconvenience of sending e-mails. Lastly, there is a place called 'MALAYSIA HALL' in London. Worst case is, I could ask to spend nights there and feed on expired lemangs from the recent Hari Raya Open House. You dumb pea-brain, I wish upon you now; that you will have haemorrhoid starting today, for the rest of your life and die when the 'LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN'.

I am sure you have experienced receiving mails telling you how rich you have become. How a wealthy uncle had died in Africa and the coincidence of you sharing the same family name, you are now an heir to estates and riches. I really wonder how people actually fall into these scams. Out of ignorance, greed or STUPIDITY?

The issue really pissed me off yesterday, not so much the 'tragedy that befell me in England' but the agony of losing pertinent contacts and information stored in my hotmail account. To my dismay, I realised that there are web pages on the net, that actually TEACHES you how to hack into personal e-mail accounts.

I guess out of all the billions in the world, I have been the 'ONE IN A MILLION'. To have me selected as a 'HOT MALE' victim out of all is 'gratifying'. "GOOD LUCK, BAD LUCK, WHO CARES?". Now that I have been so 'lucky', I should go punt for numbers today being a Sunday, buy a lottery and maybe WIN some real money. The 'England Trip' is within reach after all. And, November has approached, how ironic. Don't worry friends, if I really misplace my wallet, I will CALL you, by phone that is.

If I can't get you or if both my uncles are out of town, the other Malaysian that I could think of will be;

"Hello, can I speak to 'UNCLE' JIMMY CHOO?