The last time I was in London was many years back. I remember it vaguely. What comes to mind is the freezing cold weather in NOVEMBER staying in an area called Putney. Taking a black cab to Shaftesbury Avenue where Chinatown begins was expensive. I remember strolling down Oxford Street shopping and renting a tuxedo for a dinner in Kensington. Piccadilly Circus rings a bell but I can't remember what I did there.I enjoyed watching Sunset Boulevard, Starlight Express and Cats the Musical. That was the LONGEST time ago. Yesterday also marked the 1000 days before the 2012 London Olympics begin.Yesterday morning, I was woken up from bed with a phone call. It was my sister in law. Grace spoke to me and asked if I was in town. In anticipation, she said that there was news that I have been 'KIDNAPPED'. She said her brother received an e-mail a few hours ago which was forwarded to her. The e-mail read:
Date: Oct 31, 2009 at 12.57am
Hello. How you doing? Hope all is well with you. I'm sorry that I didn't inform you of my travelling to England for a conference. I need a favour from you as soon as you receive this
e-mail because I misplaced my wallet while on the way to my hotel where my money and other valuable things are kept. I will like you to assist me with a loan urgently. I will be needing the sum of $2500 to sort out my hotel bills and to get myself back home. I will appreciate whatever sum you can help me with. I'll pay you back as soon as I return. Kindly let me know if you can be of help? So that I can send you the details to use when sending the money through Western Union money transfer. Your help would be greatly appreciated.
I sprung out of bed in disbelief and turned on my laptop immediately. I tried logging onto my MSN but it wouldn't. My Blackberry messenger had a 'chat' appear from another concerned Ken, "Wil, are you in town?" I just realised that my e-mail account had been HACKED and that 'Bus-Third' had send all my contacts this note hoping to strike richness.
You stupid good for nothing retarded 'Ask-Whole', first of all; I do not write e-mails like that. I choose to think that I have better writing skills. Secondly, do your homework. If I was stranded in England, I have a neurosurgeon uncle living in London and another anaesthetist uncle in Birmingham. Thirdly, the English currency is the POUND STERLING. Why the heck should I be asking for American dollars and later having to convert, if I really was in dire-straits. Fourthly, with technology these days, I would have used my mobile to call home and asked for help and ignore the inconvenience of sending e-mails. Lastly, there is a place called 'MALAYSIA HALL' in London. Worst case is, I could ask to spend nights there and feed on expired lemangs from the recent Hari Raya Open House. You dumb pea-brain, I wish upon you now; that you will have haemorrhoid starting today, for the rest of your life and die when the 'LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN'.
I am sure you have experienced receiving mails telling you how rich you have become. How a wealthy uncle had died in Africa and the coincidence of you sharing the same family name, you are now an heir to estates and riches. I really wonder how people actually fall into these scams. Out of ignorance, greed or STUPIDITY?
The issue really pissed me off yesterday, not so much the 'tragedy that befell me in England' but the agony of losing pertinent contacts and information stored in my hotmail account. To my dismay, I realised that there are web pages on the net, that actually TEACHES you how to hack into personal e-mail accounts. http://www.gohacking.com/
I guess out of all the billions in the world, I have been the 'ONE IN A MILLION'. To have me selected as a 'HOT MALE' victim out of all is 'gratifying'. "GOOD LUCK, BAD LUCK, WHO CARES?". Now that I have been so 'lucky', I should go punt for numbers today being a Sunday, buy a lottery and maybe WIN some real money. The 'England Trip' is within reach after all. And, November has approached, how ironic. Don't worry friends, if I really misplace my wallet, I will CALL you, by phone that is.
If I can't get you or if both my uncles are out of town, the other Malaysian that I could think of will be;
"Hello, can I speak to 'UNCLE' JIMMY CHOO?