My Arse 'Colon-ised'

Dear Friends,

Last week, I travelled up north to Malaysia's - 'Pomelo Town'. The town of TAMBUN resides in the state of Perak; is notable for the largest citrus fruit that taste pretty similar to the Grapefruit. Apart from this current fame, Tambun can now also boasts of having Malaysia's first self - contained 'Health Village Retreat' in the country. http://www.thebanjaran.com/

The journey took me close to two hours along the North South Highway, northbound. Exiting at Ipoh Selatan, the remaining journey to the resort took another fifteen minutes. Upon my arrival, I was taken aback by the surroundings. I felt that I have entered into a SPIRITUAL realm of calmness and a total cut-off from the outside world. A little less of a monastery. Healing music was playing continuously from all over the resort. Hypnotising, if you may but I could feel that my REJUVENATION has begun.

After checking in, my butler escorted me to Villa 4. There are a total of 25 luxury villas here equipped with personal plunge pools in them. As I stroll down the path of serenity, I couldn't help but notice the surrounding tropical jungles and also the many LIMESTONE HILLS and caves. I was struck by the sounds of incessant waters all round. Out of all the amenities in my Villa, I was personally intrigued with the Bose sound system installed. The 'digital' healing tunes exuded an escape of the senses. I may be able to escape the city but I guess the 'city' in me remained.

The resort is built on a 17 acre valley fronting a cluster of geothermal hot springs. The natural spring waters are heated enough to make your legs 'de-feather', if you would excuse the exaggeration. I did not get a chance to experiment with them but I had fun having my legs nibbled at the Garra Ruffa pool. (For better understanding on the Garra Ruffas, please refer to http://wilfred-yeo.blogspot.com/2008/09/something-fishy.html) Meals at the resort were mainly organic. I have never felt so healthy. I was beginning to feel the balance of my yin and yang. I was there seeking for physical TRANQUILITY and bit by bit, all my weariness depleted.

The highlight of my visit would have to be the COLONIC HYDROTHERAPY. I have heard so much about this alternative medicating treatment prior. It is a procedure of cleansing the large intestines and lower bowels of waste. Imagine, four decades of toxins accumulated in me being flushed out. A self confessed health freak, I did it for good health reasons. I must admit that I had apprehensions and I was quite fearful. I had visuals flashing in my head, of a big 'rod' being shafted up my rectum and 'de-virginising' me in the process. I kept reminding myself of this once in a lifetime opportunity; of restoring and maintaining optimum colon health, since I am at this wellness retreat. I will not be explaining the procedure chronologically here, as it may sound faecal to you and 'painful' to me. In very simple theory; it involved eight gallons of low pressured water at 37.5 degrees, pumped up my rectum for about 45 minutes. I had a bloated feeling in the gut which made me want to 'pooh'. The CLEANSING began when I saw little 'jewels or treasures' as the therapist called them being evacuated out of my arse. It was like 'them' screaming for rapture, saying finally 'we are out of this hell hole'. I could actually see 'them' from a mirror positioned such for that purpose.

*Aileen, my Colon Therapist who was with me the entire time, Ouch!

* Water temperature regulated. Eight gallons pumped up, mind you. 'Jeweled' Mirror.

* I had to personally shaft the first left quarter up my rectum

* Lubricating the nozzle with KY Jelly

After the treatment, I must say that my colon, liver, kidney and lymphatics felt cleaner and detoxified. Okay, I am hallucinating but I know one thing is for sure, my health has benefited. I also feel lighter, thinner and trimmer. Okay, I maybe hallucinating again.

To sum up the entire colonic experience,

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I FELT LIKE I WAS HAVING A BABY.

I have intentionally 'blanco-ed' my face, to save you the agony of 'pain'.

Tell Tale Signs

Dear Friends,

While reading the newspapers these few weeks, I have concluded that there are more BAD than good news daily. In today's Star headlines, a 'Millionaire' Director of a government agency was arrested for accepting a bribe of more than a hundred thousand ringgit. The trial of the death of political aide Teoh Beng Hock took a new twist; now there is a 80% chance the death could be classified homicide instead of suicide. With the ongoing MCA crisis, President OTK is feeling 'hurt' that his once comrades had now turn their backs on him. The recent strong Padang earthquake has caused mass destruction killing at least a thousand people.

A tell-tale is a sign that clearly signals that something is true or is about to happen. The BIBLE affirms that wars, food shortages, earthquakes, hatred, crime, a lack of love, would all be markings of the time of the end. Are these TELL TALE SIGNS of the end times in comparison to the above headlines?

With age catching up, I respond to the slightest tell tale sign. Call me a hypochondriac if you want. I was at lunch today and for no obvious reason, I felt like blacking out. Could it be the weather, hunger, the 'teh-see' that I drank? I don't know. I am always 'over-reacting' because I had scores of friends who have DIED from various causes. Chris Oh was 44 years old and died in his sleep due to heart failure. Another friend was Ace. We had dinner a night before his death and he was only 29 years old. In my previous 'Scarlet Sheets' blog posting; my gym friend Sam, died cycling next to me in a group exercise class and he was only 47 years old, also due to heart failure.

Back in the year 2000, I was managing a business as a co-partner. It was an Italian restaurant and a bistroteque in Melaka. Food and drinks were in abundance. The hours were long and the daily lifestyle of wining and dining took a TOLL on me. I could still connect with that evening; I had dinner with a friend, DSP Baldev Singh from the district Police. We also had the friendly 'Johnnie Walker' for company. Baldev was alone on secondment in Melaka while his family was in Johor. It was similar in my case with my family in KL. We were accompanying buddies by default. Going into the night with our conversation, I suddenly felt that I had breathing difficulties. There was a tingling feeling from my ankles, later gripping my knees and tightening up at my thighs. My feet became WOBBLY, I felt nausea and I let off a scream amidst Kenny G's Song Bird, saxophonist Din was serenading. Baldev a trained policeman wasted no time and with the help of my staff assisted me to his official vehicle (my first time in a police car with sirens blaring :D) to be sent to the medical center. The feeling was horrendous. I buckled under to a panic attack because I thought it was a heart FAILURE. At Accidents and Emergencies, I was wheel chaired and they hurriedly took my pulse and blood pressure readings. It was a 170/115, remembering vaguely now. Nearly a stroke, I think. They vaccinated me with muscle relaxant and the numbness eased. The attending doctor recommended that I take various tests the following morning. That night, I had my blood pressure monitored every hour by the nurse and I was wondering if it was a tell tale sign. Morning came; I did the ECG, heart scan and some other tests. I met with the cardiologist and he was DUMB STRUCKED that they could not diagnose a cause to my admission. Despite some high readings, there was nothing abnormal. I was discharged after being given a clean bill of health. What actually happened? Clueless.
Since then, it is approaching ten years now. What were the TELL TALE SIGNS telling me then? Was it stress or was it over exhaustion? Was it loneliness or was it sacrifice chasing after my entrepreneurial dreams? CLUELESS again. I guess the body always has a way of telling us enough is enough. There is only so much a worn out body can take. Our human problem is we tend to think that we are smarter than our CREATOR, when we choose to ignore the signs.

My last medical check up in August was reassuring. My heart is strong and I EXCELLED in the stress test. My lungs are at its optimum coupled with a very positive 120/80 blood pressure. Since then, I told myself to be forever GRATEFUL, to APPRECIATE life and to live it HAPPILY. My three times a week to the gym; exercising and releasing endorphins accelerates this happy process.

Please remember to be MINDFUL of how much our body can take. Every part of our body has an 'expiry date'. The more we use it, the earlier it will 'EXPIRE'. Now, when did I lose my virginity?

I came across this video recently. Is this really the end times? Now, you INTERPRET the tell tale signs.

Laughter - The Best Medicine

Dear Friends,

'DOCTORS' don't like me very much and that is because I hardly allow them to prosper from me.

I rarely fall ill and if I do, I self medicate. 'Polaramine' for colds, 'Lozenges' for sore throats, 'Xelox' for gastric and 'Paracetamol' for fevers. If I ever need to visit a clinic, I must be in pretty bad shape. I contracted a cold last Thursday and I obviously self medicated. By Friday morning, my nose was running the marathon. Sunday came and I felt hoarse with a bad throat. Lozenges didn't help and I was stubbornly at work yesterday. With the blaring aircondition at my workplace, I knew shit has hit the ceiling.

Reluctantly, I had to go see a doctor. I arrived the clinic at about 4PM and waited. I was dazed and started to lose patience. I asked the nurse why the wait. I was told, "Doktor belum sampai", literally translated as the Doctor has not arrived. WHAT THE GOONIEGOOGOOS?!!

I was fortunate that I was no accident victim or I would have died from profused bleeding.

After a while, a 'witchy' looking Indian lady, probably retired from government service a decade ago walked in. She donned her white coat, took her time releasing herself in the backroom, washed her hands, went in her consultation room and rang a bell. My name was called and I entered.

The same customary questions on what was 'irritating' me that I was at her clinic. I was allured to say, "Besides the throat and my lungs wanting to pop out, it is your LACKADAISICAL attitude in treating sick patients like me!" Clearly remembering that I am a sick man, I applied tolerance. She further said, "You also have a temperature, 37.8 C which means you are having fever". That was probably because I was furious of the service. Being sick, I know that I do not enjoy the prerogative of losing my temper and forgetting my manners. She then asked me, "Are you working today?" I said yes. She was so 'sympathetic' and replied, "Okay, I will give you HALF DAY MC today so you can rest". I was like, 'WHAT THE GOONIEGOOGOOS?' again; it was already four plus in the evening and the day was coming to an end. No MC tomorrow? I am home today recovering from my atrocious body aches, a subsiding fever but I am still coughing my lungs out. The dreadful part is, I am recovering not with an official 'sick leave' but personal annual leave. I must thank the Doctor for her HALF 'GENEROSITY'.

As I was reading the papers today, I came across my favorite 'Doctor'. He is Dr. Mahathir Mohamad. At his age, he is still looking healthy despite his heart bypass history. This old man is still so vocal when it comes to matters of his heart. He was still at it during the recent Bagan Pinang by-elections, UMNO and other national matters. There are still many nagging issues where he is concerned about even though he is now just a commoner. In the article he expressed, "Speaking out is not something I enjoy doing. It is something I must do. If everything is fine, I don't think there is a need for me to OPEN MY MOUTH". My true Statesman :)

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/10/13/nation/4891422&sec=nation

During the interview with the journalist, Dr. Mahathir signalled that it was time for his lunch. A HEALTHY spread of curry chicken, stir-fried french beans, salted fish, green salad and rice. It was also known that Dr. Mahathir was specific about not being photographed during his meals when he was the Prime Minister.

Dr. Mahathir does not mind opening his mouth to speak out but he dislikes being photographed with his MOUTH OPEN.

UNLIKE HIS PREVIOUS MINISTER.

To me, "LAUGHTER IS STILL THE BEST MEDICINE".

Ladies: Body or Bulge?

Dear Friends,

I used to question myself, what if I was endowed with a body like this?

I used to think that:

a) I could be the HONEY that could attract the bees.

b) I could be a model on Men's Review.

c) I could be featured on YouTube and disgrace myself like Ms. Singapore, Ris Low.

Having a body like this could also be TOUGH, excuse the pun. I used to marvel how would it be for the ladies touching me. Will they leave me after the first date? Caressing me would be akin to lifting barbells hence developing muscles of their own during the intimacy.

Sucking grapes in my mouth, I am glad that my body is not that. This picture was taken three years back. Imagine this; if I were to have breasts and wearing a push up bra, I wouldn't be able to cypher which was breasts and which was the double chin.

Out of the blues, I settled that I wanted to feel good and healthy about myself and most importantly to live life. My objective - TO LOSE WEIGHT. Having been a health freak for a few years now, I know skipping meals was not an option. So, I decided to eat balanced and healthy. Those who knows me will tell you, that I do not have a sweet tooth and I swallow up to six supplements a day. Most importantly and taboo to some, EXERCISE. I do both cardiovacular and weights training at the gym twice a week, swim once a week and some bowling to de-stress.

Once, I read about this American bloke called Jared Forgle. This guy was overweight and if he continued eating, he needed to reconstruct a new door to his house for his entrance(*exaggeration*). Hang on, by consuming SUBWAY SANDWICHES and exercising, he shed the pounds. By 'accident', I chanced upon SUBWAY at the mall where Celebrity Fitness is located. I decided that I was going to be a 'test product' of this assertion and decide if it was for real.

3 MONTHS AND NO MORE!

My favorite bread is WHEAT and occasionally PARMESAN OREGANO. I only go for the specials of the day - where they are priced at only RM 7.50 compared to the normal prices, which ranges from RM10.50 and more. You have a choice of either the 6-inch or the one foot - mine is always the former. As I was eating this on a frequent basis, it doesn't really matter when I eat what and on what day. If I devour them one a day at RM 7.50, I would have completed the entire menu in a week. So, the 'specials' it is. Once in line and my choice of bread selected, I will then decide on the 'meat special' or fillings of the day. I was told that their meats contain less than 6g of fat. My favorites would have to be the ITALIAN BMT which means 'BIGGEST, MEATIEST and TASTIEST'. Secondly, it would have to be the TUNA. Both of these are 'SPECIALS' on Mondays and Tuesdays respectively. Once the 'meats' are stuffed, I will be greeted with the freshest vegetables. Mine will always be, "EVERYTHING except OLIVES". To top it up, I will ask for a doze of olive oil, vinegar and a sprinkle of pepper for taste. The vegetables are crunchy but at times, the moisture of it could make the sandwich a little marshy to handle (especially the 'MEATBALLS' - special on Wednesdays).

Consuming this diet three times a week, I have graduated from my third month now. I am beaming with hope realising the double chin has now CHISELED.

I will proceed to eat 'SUBWAY SANDWICHES' and also to uphold burning a minimum of a thousand calories per gym session. Moving ahead, I am aspiring to attain the body that every man fantasises of.

If I am still a let down, maybe I could instead canvass to be an:

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UNDERWEAR MODEL, No face and body contours needed.

ONLY A HUGE BULGE!

* This is not written as an ADVERTORIAL. However, I will not SAY NO if Subway decides to reward this blog with FREE sandwiches. :)

Cancer is not always the crab

Dear Friends,

Recently it really felt that it was deja vu all over again. News that the mother of someone close I know, who was not well after just returning from a Japan business trip. The signs were breathing difficulties and bloating of her hands which was abnormal. I was taken back almost immediately down my childhood days. My late dad had also returned from a London business trip. I remember him lying down with us on the floor and calling my mum on the telephone at her workplace. It was all nice and loving at that time and the memories still lingers after these many years. How do I equate both these situations? They have both suffered the same fate - CANCER. How coincidental?

Cancer is the general name for a group of more than a hundred diseases in which cells in a part of the body begin to grow out of control. Cancer cells develop because of damage to the DNA. This substance is in every cell and directs all of the cell's activities. People can inherit damaged DNA which accounts for inherited cancers. Many times though, a person's DNA gets damaged by things in the environment like chemicals, viruses, tobacco smoke or too much sunlight. Cancer cells keep growing and dividing, they are different from normal cells. Instead of dying, they outlive normal cells and continue to grow and make new abnormal cells. Cancer usually forms as a tumor. Some cancers, like leukemia do not form tumors. Instead, these cancer cells involve the blood and blood forming organs and circulate through other tissues where they grow. Cancer cells often travel through bloodstream or through the lymph system to other parts of the body where they begin to grow and replace normal tissue.

Cancer is a group of diseases that may cause almost any sign or symptom. The signs and symptoms will depend on where the cancer is, the size of the cancer and how much it affects the nearby organs or structures. If a cancer spreads, then symptoms may appear in different parts of the body. As cancer grows, it begins to push on nearby organs, blood vessels and nerves. This pressure creates some of the signs and symptoms of cancer.

Sometimes cancers start in places where it does not cause any symptoms until the cancer has grown quite large. This is the fate of Aunty Daisy diagnosed with pancreas cancer which has also spread to the liver. Pancreas cancer do not usually grow large enough to be felt from the outside of the body. Some pancreatic cancers do not cause symptoms until they begin to grow around nearby nerves. Others grow around the bile duct which blocks the flow of bile and leads to a yellowing of the skin known as jaundice. By the time pancreatic cancer causes these signs or symptoms, it has usually reached an advanced stage.

Treatment is most successful when cancer is found as early as possible. Finding cancer early usually means it can be treated while it is still small and is less likely to have spread to other parts of the body. This often means a better chance for cure especially if initial treatment is to be surgery. The number of treatment choices you have will depend on the type of cancer and other individual factors such as age, health status and personal preferences. The four major types of treatment are surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and biologic therapies. The cancer's stage and how widespread it is will also determine the best course of treatment, since early stage cancers respond to different therapies than later stage ones.

Today, millions of people are living with cancer or have had cancer. The risk of developing most types of cancer can be reduced by changes in a person's lifestyle, for example, by quitting smoking, limiting time in the sun, being physically active and having a balanced diet. The sooner a cancer is found and treated, the better the chances are for living for many years.

My dad succumbed to liver cancer 33 years ago in an era without chemotherapy. With developed medical technologies these days, I can only pray that a solution be discovered soon for the sake of mankind. Aunty Daisy; be encouraged, stay strong and believe. The bible teaches us that we have a Lord that healeth thee. With faith, nothing is impossible.

** Aunty Daisy was called home by the Lord on the 30th January 2009 @ 3.25pm after a four month battle with cancer. Rest in Peace.