Sunday, January 17, 2010

My Arse 'Colon-ised'

Dear Friends,

Last week, I travelled up north to Malaysia's - 'Pomelo Town'. The town of TAMBUN resides in the state of Perak; is notable for the largest citrus fruit that taste pretty similar to the Grapefruit. Apart from this current fame, Tambun can now also boasts of having Malaysia's first self - contained 'Health Village Retreat' in the country.

The journey took me close to two hours along the North South Highway, northbound. Exiting at Ipoh Selatan, the remaining journey to the resort took another fifteen minutes. Upon my arrival, I was taken aback by the surroundings. I felt that I have entered into a SPIRITUAL realm of calmness and a total cut-off from the outside world. A little less of a monastery. Healing music was playing continuously from all over the resort. Hypnotising, if you may but I could feel that my REJUVENATION has begun.

After checking in, my butler escorted me to Villa 4. There are a total of 25 luxury villas here equipped with personal plunge pools in them. As I stroll down the path of serenity, I couldn't help but notice the surrounding tropical jungles and also the many LIMESTONE HILLS and caves. I was struck by the sounds of incessant waters all round. Out of all the amenities in my Villa, I was personally intrigued with the Bose sound system installed. The 'digital' healing tunes exuded an escape of the senses. I may be able to escape the city but I guess the 'city' in me remained.

The resort is built on a 17 acre valley fronting a cluster of geothermal hot springs. The natural spring waters are heated enough to make your legs 'de-feather', if you would excuse the exaggeration. I did not get a chance to experiment with them but I had fun having my legs nibbled at the Garra Ruffa pool. (For better understanding on the Garra Ruffas, please refer to Meals at the resort were mainly organic. I have never felt so healthy. I was beginning to feel the balance of my yin and yang. I was there seeking for physical TRANQUILITY and bit by bit, all my weariness depleted.
The highlight of my visit would have to be the COLONIC HYDROTHERAPY. I have heard so much about this alternative medicating treatment prior. It is a procedure of cleansing the large intestines and lower bowels of waste. Imagine, four decades of toxins accumulated in me being flushed out. A self confessed health freak, I did it for good health reasons. I must admit that I had apprehensions and I was quite fearful. I had visuals flashing in my head, of a big 'rod' being shafted up my rectum and 'de-virginising' me in the process. I kept reminding myself of this once in a lifetime opportunity; of restoring and maintaining optimum colon health, since I am at this wellness retreat. I will not be explaining the procedure chronologically here, as it may sound faecal to you and 'painful' to me. In very simple theory; it involved eight gallons of low pressured water at 37.5 degrees, pumped up my rectum for about 45 minutes. I had a bloated feeling in the gut which made me want to 'pooh'. The CLEANSING began when I saw little 'jewels or treasures' as the therapist called them being evacuated out of my arse. It was like 'them' screaming for rapture, saying finally 'we are out of this hell hole'. I could actually see 'them' from a mirror positioned such for that purpose.

*Aileen, my Colon Therapist who was with me the entire time, Ouch!

* Water temperature regulated. Eight gallons pumped up, mind you. 'Jeweled' Mirror.

* I had to personally shaft the first left quarter up my rectum

* Lubricating the nozzle with KY Jelly

After the treatment, I must say that my colon, liver, kidney and lymphatics felt cleaner and detoxified. Okay, I am hallucinating but I know one thing is for sure, my health has benefited. I also feel lighter, thinner and trimmer. Okay, I maybe hallucinating again.

To sum up the entire colonic experience,

I have intentionally 'blanco-ed' my face, to save you the agony of 'pain'.

1 comment:

Kang Wei said...

the COLONIC HYDROTHERAPY is great!!! bet u had fun huh..hahahaha