Sunday, August 23, 2009

I need to Fart!

Dear Friends,

I am one of those who is real careful with what I eat and drink. A little 'over the top' sometimes with restrictions to better things in life; I don't even drink Coke, for crying out loud! I decided to break rules yesterday morning and decided on a 'cheat day'. I gobbled down three glorious 'Roti Canai Empat Segi' with Dhall curry almost instantly. The taste was just beyond description, kind of like a mouthful orgasm.

As I was facebooking on my laptop in the afternoon, my daughter Charmaine went, "Dad, is that you...AGAIN? - Disgusting!". I love it when I irritate her - 'farting in her face', so to speak. This is my home for goodness sake. I can fart wherever and whenever I want. I find it unnatural if I have to go, "Charmaine, excuse me ar, Daddy is going to fart". Having to 'request for permission' from the few around me, I would have needed to shit by then. In the office, it is similar. Whenever the 'Mamas' are told to stand outside my door to speak to me, they understand and appreciate the 'punishment' of standing at the door.

It is funny that farting has become such a part of our lives that we take this practice for granted. I bet you that when asked why do you fart, you wouldn't have an answer. Did you know that the average person farts 14 times every day? The amount of actual gas released ranges from as little as one cup to as much as one half gallon per day. Gas is made primarily of odorless vapors such as carbon dioxide, oxygen, nitrogen, hydrogen, and sometimes methane. The unpleasant noxious odor of flatulence comes from bacteria in the large intestine that release small amounts of gases that contain hydrogen sulfide.(smells like sulphur) Contrary to popular belief, women have just as many passages as men, and older people, have no more gas than younger individuals. As much as 80 to 90 percent of rectal gas (flatulence) is formed by bacteria. Eventually these gases exit through the rectum. (arsehole to some:D) Certain foods produce more flatulence than others because they contain more indigestible carbohydrates. Beans are well known gas producers. (Damn, the lentils I ate!) The beans pass through the small intestine and arrive in the large intestine without being digested, which causes flatulence to occur.

Fart - we all have it, and it is a normal part of life. It is a natural result of good digestion. Farting is a more familiar term to many people.(flatulence to the refined educated ones) Most of us try to make light of it so as to not be embarrassed by its occurrence.

So, it is alright to fart. If you have to do it the next time, don't be shy. Among family in your house, you just fart and don't even bother explaining. Around friends, you tell them you just farted and ask, "Why, you don't fart meh?". In the company of strangers, be polite and ask, "Do you mind excusing me, for I need to break wind, as I can feel some intestinal gas aka flatus coming through my rectum? Please don't mind the sound and smell that is coming your way without any sight."

Farting is Embarrassing, but it doesn't have to be!

Long live the sounds of life..."POOOOOOT....!!!"


kenwooi said...

yeah fart too.. but of course doing it discreetly.. =P

Joey HLL said...

It seems that all Dads are the same! My Dad does the same thing you do to Charmaine....goodness!